We’ve all been through a break-up. Whether it was years ago or recently, we know what it feels like to lose someone who you expected to be around for a long time and now, you’ve got to adjust. Tough as it might be, these things all happen for a reason and, sometimes, it takes a lot of soul searching, tequila shots, and spontaneous haircuts to find out what that reason is. But here’s the good news – now you’re “free”. Free to do as you please, when you please and how you please…
1.Do What You Want.
Have you ever had to go through “Asking somebody for permission?”. Have you ever clocked out after a long workday and felt like going to happy hour with your co-workers but there was someone you had to tell about it first? Someone who might have expected you home at a certain time? Well, when you’re single, when you’re “free”, you can literally do what you please, when you please. Feel like having a drink? Or five? Go for it. There’s no curfew, no texts explaining why, there’s no anxiety of getting home a little late, or things not going as they were originally planned. The world is your oyster and there’s no one around to tell you otherwise.
2.There was always something missing.
Infidelity isn’t the only reason why people break up. If there was a separation, something was clearly missing. Whether it was time, respect, affection – whatever. Break-ups, at first, may seem like the end of the world. Like the cup of coffee you’ve been having every morning is suddenly no longer your cup of coffee and as heart breaking as a caffeine-free life sounds, you can use it to your advantage. Sure, you’ll get the headaches and the withdrawals but, as humans, we’re built for change. We are prepared to take on obstacles and create our own outcome. So, your cup of coffee might be gone but you can substitute it with a healthy morning run, yoga, meditation – get creative! Just because he or she isn’t around anymore doesn’t mean you have to suffer. Re-evaluate your relationship; find what was missing, what went wrong and work on yourself. Make sure you learn from your mistakes and take those lessons with you for next time. You live & you learn.
Who doesn’t like traveling? You get to see new places, new faces and, most importantly, NEW FOOD! (Yes, I’m a fatass). But when you’re in a relationship, travel plans usually come in pairs. You want to explore with your partner and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that; but when you travel alone – a whole new beast unravels. All of a sudden you’re paying more attention to detail, you rely on yourself to get lost in a new city, find it’s charm, find your way back, stay safe and have fun. You sit at a bar or restaurant ALONE and before you know it you’re meeting people you wouldn’t have met if you had your guy or girl sitting next to you. You are involving yourself in new adventures and the unknown of this new place, with new people. The best part? When you travel alone and get to know locals, they take you to the local spots. The hole-in-the-wall no tourist knows about and you get to know the city for what it really is. Enjoy your solitude! Alone doesn’t have to mean lonely.
4.Talk to the opposite sex without restrictions.
I was once sitting at a bar with my ex, having a few drinks. The night had been fun and drama-free until… a gorgeous man walked in with his friends and happened to sit next to me. After a couple rounds he tried making conversation with us – which I didn’t think was a big deal. Turns out, he was an artist and he was in town for Art Basel (my all-time favorite event). I had been hired to cover a couple of art shows and was instantly drawn into conversation. We all talked about his art, where he was from, if I could interview him at one of his exhibits, etc. Harmless, right? That’s what I thought. Once he left, my ex let me know how upset he was that I chose to invite another person into our night. Now, if you have a healthy relationship, this shouldn’t be a problem. I always said “If there is no trust – There is no us”. For me, particularly, this is very important. We are all human. We are supposed to be free to talk to whoever, whenever, especially if it’s about your career and personal growth. Whether they are attractive or not, your partner should not feel threatened. So, once I let go of that relationship, not only did I grow tremendously career-wise, but I was more inclined to spark up conversation with anyone at anytime without feeling guilty. Eventually, I realized, you should never let go of yourself for somebody else.
5.Get to know yourself better.
This is probably one of the most important things after a break–up. You’ve been thinking for two for so long, you forgot how to worry about yourself; How to be selfish. Read a book, explore your mind, take an art class. There are so many things you’ve left unknown in yourself because your time had to be shared and split in two. Now you’re in a full relationship with yourself and yourself only. No distractions – so have fun.
So, if you recently lost someone, embrace your new adventure with open arms. Whether it’s a quick get-away or writing a book, get out and explore! Get to know new places and get to know yourself. There are no limits for what you can accomplish. The more you learn about yourself, the more aware you’ll be about what you require from your next partner. Every end is a new beginning.