“Always wear nice underwear, because you never know who is going to see you naked, or when you are going to end up in a hospital.” That summer 3 years ago, that little piece of advice completely changed my outlook on underwear. Until then, I considered myself a pretty practical shopper. My mentality was like most other dudes, “Why would I drop so much money on something that most people aren’t going to see?”, boxers are boxers.
Well that all changed one day when I came across a pair of Calvin Klein microfiber boxer briefs that were on sale. Marked down from 30$ to 10$ I figured why the hell not? I bought them. That weekend I unboxed them and wore them out for the first time. It’s kind of tough to put it into words. But the feeling was spectacular.
Guys, until that point in life, I had never experienced this level of comfort. And I had never contemplated the impact a nice pair of undies could make in my life. I was wearing boxers while having the sensation of being nude. Which is awesome, because let’s be honest, not wearing anything is the most comfortable you can be. It was great. The fit was perfect. I was getting low on the dance floor and feeling like Beyonce. It was a beautiful thing.
Now, 3 years into the future, having learned one of the most valuable lessons life has to offer a young grasshopper, I sat inside of a Macy’s department store overhearing what sounded like a younger, more senile me. “$5.99 for a single pair of underwear?! Why the hell would I ever spend that much on something that’s going to be wiping my shit stains?” At that moment I felt like saving him. I felt like running up to him and holding him close and telling him it would all be okay. I felt like sharing with him all that I knew and letting him in on the secrets of manhood. But then I stopped myself; this was a lesson we all have to learn for ourselves.
I decided to move on from that section (and that point in my life.) I had stocked up on a plethora of agreeable undergarments since that fateful summer, and was in no need of more Calvin’s nor that kind of negativity. After a few laps around the mens section, eventually, I found myself traveling by the women’s lingerie (I swear it was an accident!)
Now this was a scene quite different from the one I had just experienced. The girls who were shopping seemed to be in a garden of eve where instead of picking apples they frolicked among the vast amounts of bikini cuts, boyshorts, briefs, cheeksters and plenty more. They all filled up their baskets without a second thought, never stopping to contemplate whether $1o was too much to ask for a silky slice of heaven. I thought to myself: “Now these girls know what’s up!” They knew that you couldn’t put a price on being fashionable and cozy at the same time. They understood that the way you dress is the way you feel ninety percent of the time. They knew there is nothing better than feeling attractive and confident and knowing that the little things make a world of difference .